How Did we Get Here?

I am astounded as I read articles and headlines about what is happening in the United States and throughout the world.

Last week, I wrote about victimhood and this fad that seems to be overrunning our culture that someone else needs to fix it when bad things happen to me. I hope, that as I wrote, I never gave the impression that we are to never seek help! Instead, the idea is that we should never sacrifice our power by believing that we are completely helpless. Once babies begin to crawl, they begin the process of being able to act and to choose. We don’t lose those powers.

Today, I am going to speak to some headlines that I have been collecting over the past few weeks. I had intended to write about them separately, but I just don’t have the time!

Altercation between White Lives Matter supporters and interracial couple in Brentwood under police investigation: I can understand how Caucasians, especially white men, feel like they are being marginalized and criminalized for race and gender in the current political climate. I can understand the desire to speak up and speak out. But I don’t get harassing people who were quietly going about their own lives and not bothering you! How on earth does this draw sympathy to your cause?

Personally, I have become convinced that white privilege is real. I’m not convinced that it is a sinister plot against anyone. Instead, I think it is an outgrowth of the history of this country and largely invisible to those who enjoy it. I think we still have work to do in giving everyone an equal chance to excel and be the best that they can be.

I also think that we can do this without marginalizing anyone. All that does is reverse roles in society. Tearing others down doesn’t build anything. “Building a bigger table” and inviting others to share what we have is much more productive. So, what aren’t we? Why are we picking fights and demonizing groups of people?

Why Some Black and Brown People Can’t Trust Bernie Sanders, in 1 Quote: If I have ever seen a case of nitpicking paranoia, I think this opinion article is a classic! In trying to communicate his ideas, he mentioned Latinos, LGBTQ, and blacks. He then moved on to a sentence where he mentions “ordinary Americans.” For this writer, this is proof, case closed, that Bernie Sanders doesn’t see the Latinos, LGBTQ, and blacks as “ordinary Americans,” but as separate and distinct!

Yes, Bernie Sanders is a white male. Yes, he has probably enjoyed privilege because of his gender and race. His gender, race, and age do affect his word choice. But, to take one statement out of a lifetime to “prove” that he has some hidden agenda is absurd!

At some point, we have all got to develop a thicker skin and stop sweating the small stuff! While I don’t agree with Bernie Sanders’ political views, I think that his entire career should be scrutinized before anyone assigns him a secret agenda based on word choice in two sentences!

NFL kneeling protests based on false claims and misleading media reports: Ugh. I am not a fan of the kneeling protests. I believe that anyone who lives in the United States benefits from living here. Perhaps it’s not as wonderful as we would dream it would be, but I kind of lean toward the sentiment that there are a bunch of grown men who are making truckloads more than I will ever earn in my lifetime protesting because America isn’t fair. It looks a lot like hypocrisy to me.

Instead of offending veterans of all ethnic backgrounds who gave their time, limbs, sanity, and even lives to give you the chance to make absurd amounts of money because you can throw and catch a ball, why aren’t you out there doing something proactive? There are many celebrities that have started charitable foundations, restaurants that will give those who are homeless a free meal, etc. They didn’t make a huge, public scene — they got off the rumps and did something!

Education NGO Faces Backlash from Academics After Retracting Essay Citing Intelligence Research: This one comes to us from England, but it’s worth a mention because these types of stories happen in the United States, as well. In this article, an educational institution that is responsible for training teachers removed a research article that had been posted on its website because it challenged the prevailing ideologies of the educational establishment. The paper was removed even though the author had followed all of the requirements and the university had published it alongside an opposing paper.

What was the problem? The author of the paper had gone back through studies and concluded that education cannot solve all of our society’s ills. He had the audacity to suggest that children who are hungry and improperly nourished can’t be educated to the same degree as children who come from homes where their nutritional needs are adequately met. He came to the same conclusion about children who have “disrupted childhoods”: abuse, neglect, marginalization, violence in the community, etc.

As someone who taught for 16 years and is still working with children, I can tell you he’s right. I can also tell you that blaming the teacher hasn’t helped. We have made some gains, but when the brain can’t grow properly because it isn’t nourished properly, there is no educational program that can overcome it!

So, what is going on here?

It must be human nature, but it’s a part of our nature that we need to overcome:

• blame someone else for the problem,
• create a fuss,
• demand that someone (not me!) needs to do something about it,
• expect to sit back and reap the rewards with no real effort.

In each of these stories, that is the theme I see. We have become accustomed to reacting. It’s time to get out there and thoughtfully start proacting.

It’s your turn! What would you like to see happening to improve our nation and world? What kind of organization would you form or join?

Solving Personal Blight

I was listening to a podcast that was studying how a blighted neighborhood had begun to turn itself around and thrive in the face of economic hardship and the lowering of opportunities that almost always follows descent into poverty. In this case, the secret resided in one woman who simply decided that gangs and crime were not going to win. She began fighting back — with one of her first lines of defense being eradicating early signs of blight. She found ways to fix the little things before they became big things. She worked to find sponsors, she taught people how to DIY, she actually would stop and talk to people who were in the process of vandalizing and stealing — often convincing them to stop what they were doing because they were actually hurting their own community. The poverty still exists, but the community is thriving and strong — largely because of the effort to stop blight in its tracks.

I guess because I tend to see metaphors in life, I began to think about how this could apply to me. Of course, I struggle with time and projects, and keeping up with my home has become a struggle lately. So, on a personal level, working to tidy, declutter, and improve my home — inside and out — would be the most obvious application. Pitching in to help neighbors or volunteering with community groups would be another.

The problem is that I place more priority on what’s going on inside a person than on what’s happening on the outside. Can people have internal blight?

I am convinced we all can.

I would call it rationalization and denial. To me, it could look like any of these things:

• Taking office supplies from work because you’re not getting compensated for all the extra time you spend at the office.
• Telling yourself that you work hard for your family, and they should appreciate that effort and give you a break when you come home.
• Driving yourself crazy from fatigue and stress because you are trying to present yourself as the perfect spouse, employee, boss, etc.
• Convincing yourself that it’s ok that you kind of treated someone badly — they would have done the same to you in similar circumstances.

You get the idea — the list is kind of endless.

 

There are virtues that have held fast throughout history: honesty, integrity, loyalty, courage, etc. I am totally suggesting that these are the foundations of strong character and a happy life — a thriving inner community, if you will.

When we rationalize decisions, turn a blind eye to things that we do which are contrary to standards of virtue, or disregard our own values for even a moment, we may be showing early signs of inner blight. Sure, we have bad days, we get exhausted, we make mistakes — that’s not the end of a good person!

The problem is that we have to be aware that any time we cave, we become more inclined to cave repeatedly. If we are watching for early signs of blight, we recognize that we need to monitor the part of ourselves that has shown some moral weakness and take corrective action if we see a pattern.

Sounds like hard work, doesn’t it? It is — I can say so from experience. I can also say from experience that following this kind of process with a good attitude and the vision of who I want to be makes the journey much more pleasant! It’s also very fulfilling to be able to look in the mirror every morning and know, no matter what is going on or what opinion anyone else holds, I am satisfied with who I am.

Rant, Rave, and Discuss

(Disclaimer: Since I published this yesterday, I received some negative feedback accusing me of passing on rumors and falsehoods, thereby jumping to conclusions in the same manner as the people I am judging. So, to be clear: 1) I understand that the behavior to which I am referring is not representative of the whole group, 2) as I have stated emphatically in previous posts, I recognize that there are many sides to any issue, and 3) I am not a member of the group, so my response is based on hearsay — albeit from multiple sources. The point of this article is to encourage us all to stop and think about how to handle differences constructively.)

So, the story behind the post is quite personal to me. Our school’s beloved principal of who-knows-how-many-years retired last year, and a new principal was hired to follow her. As is common with these sorts of events, change has occurred.

Of course, social media has changed the face of the rumor-mill, but not the nature. A “private” group has been giving feedback on our new principal that has gone far beyond negative – some of it has been downright hateful.

This new principal has been a beloved member of our community for years. I first met her as the librarian of one of our local elementary schools, and gladly introduced my daughter to her when my daughter began middle school – yes, the individual in question had changed her job slightly. My now-principal, then-daughter’s-librarian took my daughter under her wing and (as she has for countless children), nurtured her in ways that I could not. Eventually, my colleague moved into administrative positions – always looking fairly and equitably at all sides of the issue – and then was selected to lead a superior school.

The parents who are complaining apparently don’t know her history or her nature. They are just experiencing change, and they are angry. Sadly, the behavior that I am witnessing has caused me to question how well we, as a community and a nation, are actually “adulting.”

• Believing exaggerated rumors: Somehow, the enforcement of a district-wide policy of having students dismiss in an orderly (after all, what could go wrong with nearly 800 small children being released chaotically?) manner morphed into silent lunch and even silent recess. Did we, as adults, lose our ability to reason and think? All but about 5 of the staff in the building are the same people who loved and cared for your children last year. Did our new principal walk in and exert mind-control over all of us? No one I have EVER met in education would expect children to be silent all day! Our ancestors valued something called “common sense.” There’s a reason they did!
• Driving away voices of reason: While “discuss” is in the title of the group page, the group administrator has been banning those who speak out against the bashing that is going on. How is that discussion? Are we secretly aware that our positions are so weak that we can’t associate with anyone who dissents? One of the things that I had always looked forward to growing up was that people would learn how to talk things out instead of taking sides and shunning others. Now, I wonder if we ever really grew up.
• Making idle threats: Once upon a time (or so legend says), people valued their word and did what they said with integrity. Idle threats are the weapons of a bully.
• Failing to face the fears: I’m old enough to recognize that change is hard and that concerns that an unknown “someone” is going to harm our children can play havoc in our heads. Our school still sets up conferences with parents, we still welcome volunteers, and we still want our parents to be involved. Somehow, it seems like all of this behavior could have been avoided if those with concerns had been willing to calmly talk things out instead of getting caught up in a web of gossip. They might have even discovered that our principal is a wonderful woman who is totally focused on giving her best to our children.

So, what’s the common sense take-away here?

1. Face fears. One of my favorite writers, Dr. Marvin Marshall, just recently posted about asking reflective questions. I began using the technique years ago and learned that there is very little in life to actually fear. Everything else is a minor situation that will pass.
2. Be proactive. Reacting takes away one of the most precious abilities humans have – the ability to think through problems. Taking the time to find constructive steps to deal with whatever is going on will leave a much smaller mess to clean up in the end.
3. Take second- (and third- and fourth-) hand information with a grain of salt. There are times when just taking a moment to consider the probability of something being true will tell us all we need to know.
4. Assume the best. Things are rarely as bad as our imaginations things they are.