If You’re Still Angry

still angry

I’m not so certain that I would call this a “cute relationship,” but the rest of the idea suits my thoughts just fine. It illustrates a point of human nature that really should be pondered by each person.

You see, it really is true that, if you are still angry, you’re not over it. 

For me, that’s a harsh reality. It means I still haven’t fully made peace with the wreckage that I called my first marriage. I still have hurts that need to be healed from the choices that someone made three or four years ago that ended up tearing up a large portion of my heart and mind as “collateral damage.” It also means that I still have to come to grips with how a boss handled a “situation” with me.

It’s not so much that I spend a lot of time thinking about any of these people and events, nor am I really all that mad anymore. I just feel irritation and disappointment when memories pop up out of nowhere or I am in close range of the person in question.

As I’ve stopped to wonder why and to see if I can do anything more to leave the past buried in the past, here’s what I’ve personally found:

I still feel like justice hasn’t fully been served. — In those times when I feel the hurt trying well up inside of me again, I can tell it’s because I feel that things were so unfair (and they were, to a large degree), and that I never fully was repaid by justice. If I were to allow myself to continue the thought patterns, I would begin to thirst for revenge.

Thankfully, I have learned that justice is served more often that I think. Because I have tried to find healthy ways to deal with hurts and set backs in my life and because I have tried to spend my time in positive pursuits, I have gained a lot of understanding of humanity. I have become bolder, more confident, and yet a bit kinder and more empathetic than I used to be. I have been repaid with the currency of personal growth. Would I really then give that priceless benefit away for revenge?

The thirst for “justice” stems from a sense that I am not considered valuable by others. — There are two sides to this. The first is that this is an easy attitude to project onto others. We notice what we want to notice. If I have doubts about my value, then I’m going to see the evidence that others doubt my value as well — simply because I’m human and I’m hardwired to collect evidence that I’m right in how I see the world. Most people do see me as someone with value.

On the other hand, there probably are people who think that I am less than they are. When I am rational about it, I know that their opinion has no real effect on my personal value. Living by a decent code of ethics, increasing my knowledge, and reaching out to improve people and places that I can makes me valuable regardless of public (or private) opinion.

 

Maybe, as I reprogram my bran, I’ll be able to finally let this old baggage go and embrace the promise of each new day!

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